I Have to Relearn to Write

So I'd figured the crappiness of my blog was the result of word-vomitting non-narrative subject matter. I've been telling myself this, but I think I have truly lost my inner creative writer. My writing is full of to-the-point literalness. When I sit down to write a story, I find myself telling and not showing. Tech writing has taken over my thought processes. I can write no more. I may have been this way for years now. Have I been in denial?

A couple weeks ago, I was working on my novel--the first time in a long time. I thought I was cutting the excess, but now I'm not so sure. My attempts at short fiction of late have been worse than bad. I should market them as a full-proof cure for insomnia. There is no poetry in my writing. Not the tiniest little bit. It's all just flat. This is untenable. If I can't write, I'm not sure who I am.

If you know me, you know I struggle with acne. It embarrasses me to the point that I absentmindedly scratch at it at work as if I can peel it off my face. I make it oh-so-much worse. Do you know that I find the idea of being a bad writer more loathsome than returning to the days of so much acne it hurt to move my face? Because I do.  I would rather put on extra pounds, and have a pizza face, and have my hair as thin and stringy as it was when I was a toe-headed tween.

I think this is the final straw. This is the thing what will motivate me to cancel my internet and return to the ways of my youth. I will read non-stop. I will imagine. I will draw. I will create. I need a new water color set.

My friend Kelsie has kindly offered to help me develop my poetic talents. Her writing has pizzazz. I trust she can build me up without crushing my spirit. I think it may actually be time to enroll in a creative writing class at the arts center too. I need forced writing.

Okay self-lameness, I'm throwing a punch. I hope you can take it.

Back to the Goals

Okay, so I have my crazy New Year's resolution to simplify the material elements of my life. Here are some of the rules I try to follow, numbered arbitrarily in no particular order.

Rule Number 1: No shopping for clothing. I'm amending this because last month I broke the zipper on my favorite jeans and needed new jeans. Sometimes, a person needs new clothes. Of course when I went out, I bought jeans, and then I splurged on other things too (quite a few other things, not all clothing). So to handle both the occassional necessity for new clothes and the desire to purchase things that I see, I'm instigating new rules. I should only buy clothes written on a list before I leave the house (I can't follow my own grocery lists, so we'll see how this goes). I must not buy anything that I can't justify as fitting into the wardrobe persona that I have recentely established. I must not buy anything that doesn't contribute something to the wardrobe.

By contribute I mean that it must accomplish a desired function currently not captured in my wardrobe. The persona thing should prevent purchases like the trendy sweater dress craze I went on that just wasn't me. The contribution thing should prevent repetiton of existing things that work. In other words, for the purposes of my clothing, if one green shirt equals good, and I tell myself two green shirts is better, I will remind myself of the contribution factor and realize my two green shirts thinking is bad math.  I don't need more clothes than I can wear in a week, maybe two, and I should demonstrate some diversity in that small period of time.

Rule Number 2: Read two books a month and only books I own or get from the library. I'm also supposed to get rid of books as I finish them. This I'm doing okay at. I have 4 books in one of my donate boxes, and I haven't purchased a single book all year (except the Comfort Food cookbook, but that's different). Hopefully I can keep up this trend.

Rule Number 3: I must box up 1 box of stuff to donate every month. The problem with my adherence to rule #3 is that January's box has never moved from behind the couch. February's box doesn't exist, though I did shift some clothing in the closet to contemplate donation. March is almost over and has no box. I'm slacking, so I got out another box this morning. I have filled it with some excess bedding and with clothing I had shifted in the closet. If I fill three boxes today, I think I will be good on the donation stuff for the year because I'm running out of stuff--the kitchen is off limits. Next step in decluttering by box is to recycle old electronics...I have a stupid hoard of dead cameras, old cell phones, and archaic computer cords.

So there they are--my decluttering goals, my mostly failures. I will be better. I will finish boxing things today, and I will actually take this stuff somewhere. Did I mention that all the boxes from my move are still neatly stacked by the entertainment center? I'm not sure if they're there because I am too lazy to find a place to recycle them or if I can't commit to staying in this place yet. I have been tempted to use my closet-cleaning donation process to make room for the moving boxes in there.