I Am a Weird Cat Lady

So my cat threw up yesterday. She never throws up. I am always proud of her because she is one of those rare non-vomiting cats.

So I'm wondering to myself, what caused my cat to throw up? It could be stress from moving. Or did I leave a cup or plate on the coffee table where she could dabble in human food? If it's either of those things, hopefully she is done with the vomiting now that we're all settled.

Of course, I think the water here is atrocious. Refrigerating it doesn't seem to help. It tastes heavily of metal. So I've gotten it into my head that it might be the water. My response? I emptied her automatic waterer of the tap water that was in it and refilled it from my filter pitcher. Yes, I am now treating my cat to filtered water.

On a positive note, she threw up on the ottoman, which is vinyl and easily wiped off. :)

Apartment Settling

I'm pretty much all unpacked, minus a few random things. They're things I'm scared to throw out in case I need them, but I don't really use them, so I just need to store them somewhere. I hate having weird things like that.

I still haven't gone to the store. I've been surviving on leftovers from when my parents were here. I'm on my last bit of leftover omelette this morning and then I will be foodless.

My initial grocery list is a bit weird, but oh well.

1. eggs
2. grapefruit juice
3. milk
4. cereal
5. beer
6. soup
7. salad
8. salad dressing

That's it. I'm not feeling in cooking mode just yet, although Chris and I are going to cook something random out of a cookbook he got for Christmas when he comes to visit on Friday. We'll grocery shop for that when we decide what we want to make.

I also need a few other random things while I'm out and about today:

1. ice tray
2. water filter pitcher
   (I tried my usual refridgerating of water to make it too cold to taste. No cigar. The water here just tastes that bad.)
3. calendar
4. mirror sheets
5. simple green
6. dish detergent
7. hamper
8. quarters for laundry

If I weren't feeling too cheap, I would invest in a shredder too. I have been shredding old mail by hand, and it's tedious.

On a positive note, living in my own space has already returned cat and I to an inseparable duo. She's curled up on the couch next to me now. Also worthy of note is the fact that I have a dedicated yarn space in this apartment. I put together the rack that I kept my clothes on in the last place, and have sorted all my yarn onto its shelves. No more giant bag of yarn shoved in the closet!

Retiring the Soul

I was just watching National Geographic's "Science of Evil," and one of the researchers being interviewed suggested that research about how the brain works is going to put the soul out of a job because we know that evil choices are just neurons firing, and circumstance influences our morality.

His thought on this was that if people don't believe their souls will continue on, they will make their choices in the present moment, and this could be a good thing. In his view, things like suicide bombing won't happen if we didn't have the continuing soul as a sort of parachute to protect the perpetrator from his or her own act. Even though their body dies, they can be confident that the soul will live on after their act. Without a soul, people won't have motivation to face martyrdom.

I can see his point, but I don't think it's fully thought out. I actually think it reflects the particular researcher's scientific inclination to despise religion. In contrast, I think many people's fear of consequences for their souls prevent self-indulgent behaviors that could harm others. The desire to do good for the soul is also a motivator for good.

In other words, we might gain some good by giving up the soul, but we would lose some as well. It might be a wash.

X-Mas and Robanukah

I've started the Christmas season out right by watching Seasong 5 Episode 13 of Futurama (the holiday spectacular) not once, but twice. My favorite part is Bender's Robanukah song: "...our ancient sounding customs are exceptionally newish..."

I've officially broken the rules by buying gifts for everyone. Whoops?

Traditions are as always(ish)...Christmas Eve at my uncle's with the extended family, Christmas morning at Kerrie's (instead of Mom and Dad's). We got nerf guns again so we can start the day out right with an epic battle--my favorite part of Christmas.

Monday, we take off with the Uhaul to move me back to Kansas. Hooray having my own space again. That is my present to myself.

Merry X-Mas. I hope Robot Santa doesn't blow up your house!

Blog Intentions

Yes, I know my blogs of late have been of a personal nature. A month of living out of a suitcase has killed all creativity. Coffee shops aren't all that helpful--I tried very hard to work on a short story last week, but my brain would have no part in it.

Due to limited access to Netflix, I just cannot crochet. When I get all moved into the new apartment in a couple weeks, I will begin the crochet madness again with the aid of beloved mindless original Star Trek.

Also to come is a lot more cooking and baking, sponsored by having my own kitchen and groceries. I will be better about providing recipes. Expendable income should result in returning to a lifestyle of organic cooking, although there will still be potstickers from a bag. They are a definite vice of mine, even if the smell slightly resembles stinky feet.

I might have to share some progress on the fitness front as well. My job comes with a workout facility, so I will be working out more. I will, of course, continue to use cheesy 90s Denise Austin workout videos that I purchased from the dollar store five-and-a-half years ago. They work. I'm also considering joining a yoga studio so that I can add a social element to getting fit. I am honestly too cheap to join a gym, especially since I would actually have to get in my car and drive to one. That defeats the purpose of living downtown.

I'd like to reserve my car for grocery trips only, although I'm holding out hope for some sort of downtown local grocer, in which case my car will almost never get used. It's a great car, but I've put over 5,000 miles on it in the last month-and-a-half. It's time for it to get some down time.

Also to come to my blog are photos not taken with my cell phone. I have two cameras that have been given to me. If I can acquire cords and successfully get them hooked up to my computer, I should be good to go. (All free cameras come without cords.)

Apartment Found

I took the plunge on renting an apartment without seeing the place.

Loft apartments downtown are in high demand. I could try to find a cheaper place further away and get on one of the waiting lists for an apartment. That would have given me more selection, and I could have held out for something with a little more historic character.

However, I really don't want to have to move after a few months or a year, so I'm taking the one apartment that really suits my needs that does happen to be available downtown.

I'm excited. Woohoo!

The Battle Against Twilight

This makes me happy. I'd say I'm more of a Star Trek fan than a Star Wars fan, but I'm not crazy enough about either to engage in a dispute between the two. I am, however, very enthusiastic in my dislike for Twilight.



In case you didn't know, George Takei was in both Star Trek and Star Wars.

Reassessing Priorities

I was looking at apartments again.

I think I have decided not to go for the places with the pools and tennis courts. Instead, I'm looking for a loft downtown so that I can walk to work. Most of them seem to still have fitness centers and parking garages. They're a bit pricier, but I would save on gas.

Some of them have great views of the river, and with these apartments I can actually get some historic charm like exposed brick and hardwood floors. The other apartments couldn't offer that--they were too new.

Hoping to pinpoint a place by next weekend.

Employed!!!

I received a phone call this afternoon. I have a job now. Woohoo!!!

Moving back to Kansas, hooray!

I'm sort of in a dance around the living room and sing "I have a job" mood. (Think Little Rascals "I have a dollar.")

I'm happy and relieved.

That is all.

The Waiting Game

So how should I deal with the stress of waiting to find out if I got the job (and the potential for bad news)?

This morning, I'm going to take my parents' dog Bo for a walk. He's neurotic, and I think he could use some destressing as well. Then I will go for a run. I can't take Bo running because he will go out ahead of me, and with the momentum of running, I won't be able to pull him back. I don't want to end up on my face with scrapes and bruises.

After my run, I will perhaps do some kickboxing or an abs workout. Oh getting in shape--such a delightful boost of endorphins. I can use those to cope with the wait, and if I get bad news, an endorphin boost would be nice for bouncing back.

I have a couple of errands I have to squeeze in today, too. Mom needs a piece of glass to fix the door on the little mudroom/breakfast nook off the back patio. I also need to get a chip in my windshield fixed to avoid ending up with a cracked windshield. After that, I might try to do some cleaning to help out my mom since Kerrie's baby shower is here tomorrow. Productivity is good for a sense of well-being.

This afternoon, I am going to have drinks with my mom and some other stressed out teachers--teachers really need drinks with all they put up with. I would be in tears constantly if I had to deal with some of what my mom does. Kids just don't have it as easy as they should, and that creates a lot of stress for teachers. I'm not talking about academic ease, I'm talking home life. She's got foster care kiddos whose real parents have drug problems, etc., kids with divorced parents, kids whose parents make excuses for them, kids whose parents need to lighten up--all varieties of destructive parenting. Enough of this rant--today is about cheeriness.

Then to close my day I am going to Molly's book club with her since I happen to be home and they're talking about a book Molly insisted I read. Molly loved the book. I thought it was so-so. Should be fun anyway. Wherever I go, I really should join a book club. If there's time, I might ask to go to Molly's to play the new Zelda. :)

Post-Interview Concerns

So I have just kept thinking since I left the interview that I failed to convince them that I want to be in that particular city. They would be making an investment in me as an individual, they need to know that I won't skip out on them in 6 months or a year for something "better."

The truth is though, that most of the other things I've applied for aren't panning out. Most of the other things I've applied for are also with large companies, and I like their small company. I like it for all the same reasons that they like it. They have me completely sold on wanting the job.

They have reason to be concerned that I don't have many friends in that place, but where do I really have many friends? My closest friends are scattered across the country. MHK still has a horde, but those numbers will rapidly dwindle. There is no doubt about that. Returning to MHK doesn't sound that great to me.

I've looked in some other major cities where I have friends, and I'm just not finding as many appealing options as I have found in Kansas. I do not want to move to any new city for a job I find only mildly appealing for a friend or friends that will probably only stay in that place a year or two.

I'm ready to establish a niche somewhere. I want to join a gym and a book club, to establish some reliable lifelong friends. I want to live cheap and stockpile money like a those quiet simple neighbors you hear about that ended up having millions in coffee cans. I want to be that crazy lady. I think our nation is on a permanent downward spiral. I don't want my retirment to be dictated by stocks I'm not sure will ever recover. So I'm ready to establish a lifestyle that is prepared for this change, and I'm happy about this potential simple life because I think a shift away from material wealth will be nice in this country.

Some people really despise the city of this potential job. I understand why, but I think this city will suit my needs. It may actually suit my needs because it tends to be despised. It doesn't feel like a big city. The city where I did my undergrad experiences similar constant criticism. I liked it there a lot. It's also the home city of my dear friend Molly, so I can count on seeing her any time she visits her family.

Please, please let me have this job. I really do like the city. All I really need is my silly cat, a home, and some books. I'm easy.

Mmmm Soup...& Friends

So it was a pretty good weekend. Lindsey drove out on Friday, and we went to a local crappy bar, that has great chicken tenders and fries. We won't go there during busy bar hours, but for the dinner hour, we love it. Then we went to Mae's, our favorite local dive bar, and chilled for a while, drinking bullfrogs.

Saturday, I drove to Omaha in some unpleasant rain and then snow to visit Chris. We went to an art show(ish), then we went and saw The Descendents--it was good. Dinner was had, followed by Futurama watching and some nerdy conversation. Overall, braving the weather was a good choice.

Sunday when I got back to Juli Anna's, she had homemade chicken noodle soup on the stove. Yum!

Then I went to an open house at the new hotel with Deborah. We went to the Arts Center to look at local artists' works so that she could buy a Christmas present for a friend. We closed the afternoon with coffee.

Then I went to the store to buy a ham (they only had giant ones of the smoked variety and we didn't want brown sugar or honey ham). The ham was essential to go with the split pea soup Juli Anna made for dinner. Two homemade soups in one day. Both were awesome.

I was spoiled this weekend.

Today, I'm vegging and working on more job applications. Tomorrow is the interview. Fingers crossed.

Interview Scheduled

The final interview has been scheduled for next Tuesday at 2:30pm. Hopefully I will know if I have a job by the end of next week.

We also discussed the benefits provided by the company over the phone--may I just say, not too shabby.

I still didn't ask about the pay because, well, I don't really care that much. I want a job that keeps me mentally engaged with people who seem fun and human. They are aware of the minimum I would take for the position, so if this interview shows that I'm a cultural fit for the company, then I can't imagine why I wouldn't accept the job.

I really like this company. I haven't been excited by very many of the others, so I really hope I can beat out the other person, but if I don't, I'm trying to imagine what I have to look forward too. Not much. The not much is motivating me to continue applying for other jobs. I'm working on that right now.

If the other person does get the job, let me just say, that other person is a pretty smart, talented, and genuine person because this hiring process has been thorough. Anyone who has made it this far deserves this position. If it's not me, there is no doubt that the other person is positively amazing. I'll be sad, but I won't feel like I didn't get it because they aren't realizing what potential I offer. I'll know the other person had more to offer.

I do wish they had scheduled the interview via email. I am soooooo awkward on the phone. Phones are weird.

Shopping Bug

I have the shopping bug. Of course, I have to tightly hold on to my money, so I can't do anything but window shop right now.

My usual stops are Modcloth.com and shopruche.com (thanks to Brigit for sharing the second one).

However, today I am perusing far, far outside of my budget land...to capture ideas: millyny.com. I'm not thrilled by everything on the site (like purses or child swimsuit models), but there are some things I absolutely love. My most favorite things are under Look > Uptown Glam. The dresses in general are pretty nifty.

Also, they don't sell shoes, but check out the these awesome shoes. The dress isn't bad either.

I love chic retro clothing, though I tend to feel more myself when dressed a bit more bohemian.

I will have to take photos of the awesome pink tweed skirt my mom made me with budget retro cardigan from Target. It's a cool outfit that cost me nearly nothing. My mom is awesome.

Oh material vices--I am such a sucker for clothes.

My Bologna Has a First Name

I have been singing the Oscar Mayer bologna song a lot lately...and the Armour hot dog song. My family can be pretty negative sometimes, so I like to break into random jingle singing. Mom generally joins me in singing.

Most of the rest of the family thinks that I'm weird. Yesterday, Dad grabbed some napkins out of the side of the car and tried to shove them in my mouth as I sang. He thinks he's pretty funny.

Focusing on the positive would be a good goal for my family. As a family we can kind of turn into a vortex of negativity spiralling out of control. This has a great deal to do with why I want to move further away again. I hope my stay with my parents can be very, very brief. I love them, but I can only take so much.

I've decided to think as if I have this job. I'm still applying for other jobs, but I'm also looking for apartments close to the job. I have my little heart set on it. I'm ready. This job sounds great--small company, intellectually challenging, learning opportunities, collaborative and respectful work environment. I really can't imagine anything better.

I'm also ready to have enough money to put some in my savings account and my retirement plan, to not have to move in 6 months or a year, to be able to afford the environmentally friendly lifestyle I believe in. I'm also ready to be able to garage my car. I have a nice car; it deserves a garage.

Best yet, I'm excited to be able to visit my dear Kansas friends on weekends. I only have one friend in the city of the potential job, but I have several within 2-3 hours, 3 different cities to choose from for visiting friends.

...on a random note, I'm watching a movie with my mom, and the person giving background of the movie during the commercials said one of the actors chose to be in this movie, cancelling his contract to be in another movie because he was "allergic to people who take themselves too seriously." Awesome.

I'd Like to be Thankful for a Job

...except, I don't have a job just yet.

In fact, this company hasn't actually contacted me to set up the final interview. That makes me a bit nervous.

I do know that they have contacted some of my references, so that's good.

Hopefully on Monday they will be calling. I better just head to hang with friends in Manhattan, so that I can make the interview scheduling easier.

I think I will leave my parents' on Sunday to do so. I will miss cat again, but hopefully soon I will have a job and we can be reuinted as cat and cat lady.

I am still waiting to hear back on a handful of jobs, and I have plans to put more applications out.

And back to my cat...she is currently pacing across the desk, right in front of the computer screen. Cats are awesome.

A Place to Live

I've been looking at some living options for if I get this job, and I find my priorities are very different than they used to be.

While I have always been drawn to older homes with wood floors and big back yards, I have decided not to look at anything like that for my next housing environment. I'm a single girl; I don't need that yet.

Most of the places I am finding are a 15-20 minute commute to work. These places (often for not much more than I have been paying) include swimming pools, fitness centers, and tennis courts. Many of them have options to have a fireplace and a garage. Some of them even include wifi and free movie rentals.

Of course, there is one where I could live a 2-3 minute commute to work (13 minute walk, which I think would be nice with parking in mind). I don't believe it has a garage option, so that's a major drawback. I would also have to find a gym nearby, and I keep finding all these militaristic gyms and martial arts places--no thank you. Although I did find a yoga studio near where work would be. I could become comitted to yoga. There's also one center that looks promising but that doesn't have a web site--it looks like they have pilates, which I love. If they have a kickboxing class, I'm sold.

Of course, if I can get a ground level apartment, I could also invest in a few Wii fitness games.

Not sure the place close to work is worth it. Although, I might be tempted to join the yoga place even if I live further away.

Shanksgiving

For some reason, I say "shanks" instead of "thanks," so I figure the holiday should be called Shanksgiving, even though that kind of sounds like I plan to stab people for the holiday. I do not.

Instead, Mom and I are going to the grocery store today to pick up everything we need. Mom is responsible for salad, which she is making at Kerrie's on Wednesday.

I am responsible for pies and potatoes.

The most important and uncompromising requirement is sour cream apple pie--a traditional dish in our very German family. Then of course, I'm making pumpkin pie too (after insane efforts to coordinate preferences--I had requests for pecan, some weird crustless pumpkin pie, etc).

Instead of standard mashed potatoes and a sweet potato casserole, I'm doing twice-baked sweet potatoes and regular potatoes. I'm going to do the sweet potatoes in a super-healthy way since Kerrie has to avoid fat right now.

Beej is making green chili to go on the turkey and on the potatoes for those that want it. He's a good brother-in-law.

Kerrie is smoking a turkey and making our grandmother's stuffing.

It's the tastiest stuffing ever. Except I usually can't eat the leftovers because somehow the rosemary makes me want to gag when it has been in the microwave. I have the same problem with my own lamb dish. Rosemary reheated just does weird things to my senses.

Whelp, I best get off to the grocery store. Then Mom and I are headed to Target for some light shopping.

Job Update (part 5)

So I was a bit confused. I wasn't top 2 for the job before. I was top 2 for that round of interviews. There were 4 rounds, so 8 people were asked to do the writing test portion. Still not too shabby. I'm pretty much a rockstar.

Even more rockstar worthy is the fact that now that they've reviewed the writing test, I'm actually in the top 2. I've got a 50% chance of getting this job.

Of course, I have to do another interview--with the bosses. That's what decides who gets the job. It's a casual interview to see who fits best with the company culture. I can do this. I'm pretty loveable, right?

*Fingers crossed*

Doing the Freedom Dance

I'm done with work. I'm happy. I'm free!

I need to clean my apartment and load up my car. *sad face*

It's weird, but I may never actually see my boss again. She's been a great boss and a good friend, but I don't have any reason to come back to this place. That's kind of weird--not that I thought I would see her again when I left the last time. Well, actually, I did come for visits before, but that's when I had a few friends here too. Everyone is gone now.

I need to clean the bird cage and drop it off at Goodwill tomorrow morning. I thought about doing it this afternoon, but I'd rather lounge.

Right now, I'm reading SOPA, the Stop Online Piracy Act. People are talking about it as if it will censor our freedom of speech. I'm not sure about that since the first line says that this bill isn't allowed to make any changes that would restrict our freedom of speech. I'm not saying people won't use this bill to try, but I think any judge in the nation will exercise caution before upholding anything that might remotely compromise freedom of speech. I do think that this bill demonstrates how much the policies of our nation are being shaped by corporations rather than the people. For that reason, this bill scares me. It does give more power to corporations, and I think they have more than enough since most haven't demonstrated much interest in doing what's right for the larger population. Social justice isn't high up on their concerns.

I used to read legislation rather than take seriously anything I heard about a bill. I haven't done that in a while, so I'm doing it now. I used to get great science fiction ideas from reading legislation too. I still remember reading a failed women's rights bill from the 60s, and it would have been a great jumping off point for a speculative fictional world. I'm sure at the time women felt like they'd been denied something important, but from what I remember, the world have been a weird and scary place shaped by the ideas of that bill.

Back to SOPA and perhaps a nap. Going out for a beer and fries with my boss later. She's a bit stressed, so we're going to work on her resume. I think she'd like to be as free from the job as I now am.

How Long Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Apparently, it takes a full hour.

Of course, we're not talking just any lightbulb. We're talking the headlight of my car.

I remember in my old Honda I could change a lightbulb, a fuse, an airfilter so quickly and easily. It was a car a monkey could maintain, which was awesome.

This Subaru is alway strying to hide things, to create extra steps. Is their hope that I will give up and go to the dealership to get a lightbulb changed? Psh. I am too stubborn for that.

So when I got off work, I was determined to change my lightbulb. I pulled my car up under a light at work because I didn't want to be changing a lightbulb in the alley by apartment after dark. It was only 5:30 by the way.

I flipped through to the page in the manual, glanced over the instructions, rolled my eyes at how many things I had to move out of the way just to change the lightbulb.

I attempted to unscrew the non-screws holding the air intake thingy in place. The manual said unscrew. The little caps looks like screws from the top. I spent forever trying to unscrew two little things that have no threads to be unscrewing. They pop off. "Pry" would have been a better verb.

After the air intake thing was removed, I had to twist off the cover of the light. That was easy. When I was trying to unplug the electric thing from the lightbulb, I was worried I was gonna break something, so that took too long because I was trying to be gentle.

Then I couldn't get the little metal bar that locks the lightbulb in place to move out of the way...most of that was visual difficulty. My shadow was blocking the parking lot light. My flashlight was dying, and the angle was all wrong. Also the manual drawings had the perspective of me sitting on the engine to look at all this. My actual perspective was upside down and more from the top than directly in front. I popped it off eventally (when I went to put it back in I noticed it wasn't locked into a hole but more a groove that I could have more easily slidden it out of.

When I went to change the lightbulb, I lost the old one somewhere underneath the air filter stuff. It will be hanging out there until further notice.

Putting everything back in place was a much quicker process, and I'm proud to have changed the stupid thing. I am also relieved to no longer be at risk for a ticket.

Hopefully the other bulb lasts a while longer.

A Good Book is Hard to Find

Quite a while ago, I began reading Water for Elephants. I've wanted to read it for a long time but just never got around to it. Then the movie came out, and I thought, "I have to read it now before it gets spoiled by common knowledge."

Even though it took me a while to read the book, it has nothing to do with it not being engaging enough. I liked it almost from the start, but life has been busy. I haven't had time.

I picked it up again this weekend and wasn't really able to put it down since. Tonight, I stayed up way too late so that I could finish it. "Just one more chapter," I'd say to myself. You know how that goes. I couldn't stop until I was done.

It is a dark and beautiful book. It shows some of the ugliest faces of humanity in gruesome openness. It depicts a gritty life, extending into senility. And yet somehow it captures hope.

This is one of the best books I have ever read, and I've read a lot.

Job News Delayed

So...I got an email today that the guy who is reviewing my application materials got swamped with work and will not be getting back to me as soon as hoped.

I'll find out if I got the job by the end of the week.

I'm still really impressed with the practices of this company. A lot of places would have just made me wait without saying anything.

Sad news is that the list of jobs I have to apply to this week will all have to be applied to. There is no hope that hearing good news on this other job will prevent the need.

I need a cookie. I think I've earned it.

Camping in my Living Room

I am currently camping in my own home. There's a suitcase in my empty closet. My sleeping bag and a bunch of blankets are taking up a chunk of the living room floor. That's where I'll be sleeping the next 4 nights. Otherwise, there are just a few random remnants of my life in GJ hanging out in my apartment.

All of my stuff is on its way to my parents home.

I need to clean my apartment.

I also need to apply for jobs today, although I'm still hoping for good news about this potential job tomorrow.

My productivity is being limited by the fact that my TV is gone. I can't apply for jobs while watching things on Netflix, and Netflix is so tempting.

Fingers are still crossed.

Happy Veterans' Day!

In my life, there aren't that many veterans, but my grandpa was one. My dad's best friend from high school is also one. He is just about to retire from the Army. These are two pretty awesome people in my estimation.

My grandpa could be a bit of a grouch to other people, but he's one of the hardest working and smartest people I have ever known. He was in the Airforce. He's passsed on.

John, my dad's friend, is literally one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. If you're thinking Army stereotype in your head, John in a short guy who played the lead in Westside Story in high school. He kept that hidden from my dad since my dad can be a bit of a turd about those sorts of things. John hasn't lost a bit of his sappy warm fuzziness in all his years in the Army. He's awesome, and I'm glad my dad has that friend who is so loyal and committed to their friendship despite moving all around the world.

So, how am I celebrating Veterans' Day? I work for the state, so I have today off. In celebration, I'm packing to move. Two boxes of kitchen stuff have been packed up this morning. I already had all my books, CDs, board games, and yarn packed up weeks ago. Mom should get here about 8pm. We'll lounge for the night, and tomorrow we'll load everything in a Uhaul and move me away from this place. Yay for that!

I'm going to help train my replacement next week, so I'll still be living in my apartment, just without my stuff. Woohoo to a few days on the floor with a sleeping bag.

I'm also celebrating by anxiously awaiting to hear about that potential job. I would imagine today is the first possible day I could hear back. I hope it's today. I can't imagine waiting through the weekend into next week.

If I get the job, I'll be nervous that my lack of aviation knowledge will make me less of a kickass employee than I would like to be. I imagine I could catch on pretty quickly, but I'll be asking a lot of questions early on. I keep trying to remind myself that most people have to ask a lot of questions when they start a new job. That's normal. That's part of starting a new job.

If I don't get the job, I will be bummed at having to continue applying for jobs. I've put off applying with the having to move and all, but I will need to kick it in high gear after I'm done at CPW.

Phase 2 of Application Done

I turned in that load of work. I just decided, no more second guessing, so I turned it in. We'll see what happens.

I'm nervous.

If I don't get this, it's because I don't know enough about aviation, which would be a pretty fair reason not to hire me.

I'd like to have a job though. There is only one other job that I'm still waiting to hear back from. The rest have all been rejections.

A Plug for My Mom

My mom is pretty cool, so I do what I can for her.

The school where she teaches 3rd grade is trying for $50,000 grant from Clorox to help jumpstart their STEM program. They are way behind in the polls. Please vote for them!

You can vote by text AND online once a day up through December 9th. That means you alone can offer 62 votes for her school before time is up.

Text clorox6297 to 44144 AND vote online for Skyview Elementary.

...I used to teach swimming lessons to some of the kids in the picture. The tallest one was definitely in my pollywog class at age 2.

Reasoning with Vampires

The blog Reasoning with Vampires has had a lot of time on my facebook newsfeed lately. My friends Mariya and Megan are both hooked. As far as my friends go, these two have values at pretty opposite extremes from one another. What they have in common is an interest in scifi and fantasy--this is, of course, part of why they are my friends.

Reasoning with Vampires is a blog devised by a Twilight despiser. Having had a conversation with my boss about why I am against Twilight, I thought I would check it out to see what I could share with her about how Twilight teaches girls that there is nothing more important than having a boyfriend.

This post below is not one I would share with my boss, but it is one that connected with my interests.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that Stephanie Meyer can identify an independent clause and knows that a semi-colon can go between two of them. Most people don't know that. I do take issue with her over-use of this punctuation mark in connecting unrelated sentences.

I once heard the director of the Writing Center at Kansas State tell a student that a semi-colon is a last resort punctuation mark. If you're inclined to use it, find the relationship between the sentences involved and try to use a conjunction to show that relationship--a subordinating or coordinating conjunction will do the trick.

I'm not quite that strict with my semi-colon policies because I like the semi-colon; I don't want to see it fall out of use. Sometimes the rhythm requires the semi-colon rather than some sort of conjunction. But I only use semi-colons in places where I would be tempted to use a run-on, meaning only in places where the two independent clauses form a single effect to me. That's the only time a semi-colon should be used to fuse two independent clauses together into a single sentence.

Semi-colons create sentence marriage, which should only be entered upon in cases of serious mutual idea committment.

Shame on you, Stephanie Meyer, for encouraging unhealthy relationships between girls and vampires and between clauses. It's just not right.

Making a Plan Stan

So, I have a ton to do at work since I was sick last week. I'm planning to work 10 hour days this week to make up for last week.

I also have to accomplish the job application tasks for one job, and they are pretty demanding tasks. Mostly, I'm pretty impressed with the hiring practices for this company. This is going to be a lot of work, but they are successfully giving me a reasonable sense of the work and expectations for this job. It also helps them to weed out anyone who doesn't really want the job. This is too much work for someone who is on the fence.

The tasks are broken up. Task 1 involves reading and writing 5 questions (with correct and distracting multiple choice answers) for two different chapters, totalling 10 questions. Task two is a proofreading assignment. Task 3 is to review and respond to customer questions, and task 4 is a research task. I have to look at the expectations, and collect the materials I would use to accomplish the task, but I don't actually have to do it.

My plan is to work this in phases. So last night, I did half of task 1 and all of task two. Essentially, I read 1 chapter, wrote 5 questions, and did all of the proofreading. Tonight I will try to do the other half of task 1 and task 3. If I have enough energy, I will also try to do task 4, but I'm not sure that will happen. I would really like to get all of them done asap, but with my workload, that would burn me out and probably reduce the quality of my work.

I also need to look back through what I've already created and remove any Oxford commas that I might have accidentally included. I noticed almost right away that this company uses an Oxford free style, but that doesn't mean my MLA brain automatically put that knowledge to use. Best double check. On a positive note, they have utterly convinced me that I will not be bored at this job. Until I make steep jumps up the learning curve for the subject matter, I will be using my brain more than I did in grad school, I think. Should be good.

Well...it's time to head to work.

Job Application Tasks

The final hoop to get this job sounds like a lot of work. Why did I work a 10 hour day today? ...without a break.

I have to write questions, do a proofreading task, deal with potential customer questions, and accomplish a research and development task. Ugh. Feeling a bit less confident now.

...just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Song of the Day (or Week)

You may or may not know that I am a huge fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Last year, a bunch of popular artists did covers of the music, and some of it is really great.

I've always thought "Sally's Song" was hauntingly beautiful, and the amazing Amy Lee does it wonderfully. She increases the hauntingness of it.



I think I may actually prefer Fiona Apple's Version, though. Not sure. Her voice captures dark and brooding pretty well.



A lot of people prefer the original Catherine O'Hara. I'm not really one of those people, but I did love her version before I'd heard the new ones.



Also, this one is worth seeing, especially for the great makeup work.

Anxiety Girl!!!

My friend Amy used to refer to herself as anxiety girl throughout grad school, and several times I felt her pain. But man, oh, man am I feeling it now.



I swear the original source for this image is an online t-shirt company, but I can't find it, so this photo came from the facebook page for "Anxiety Girl."

I'm not sure she's a true representative though. Look at that confident posture! Shouldn't she be curled up in the fetal position, spurning food, and all activity? That's kind of what I'd like to be doing right now. Blergh.

Nerd Love Posters

Oh Twitter, you provide me with lots of great entertainment. Like these great nerd love posters.

My particular favorite is the one below.

Affirmation is Nice

I know, I've posted waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too often the last few days, and it's all been sort of melancholy, so here's some happy news that couldn't wait.

I heard back from the job I interviewed for. I don't have the job, but I am one of the top two candidates.

To get the job I have to complete a few writing assignments and some research. I can do this, and if I don't get the job, I will know that the other candidate was pretty freaking amazing.

So here's to me and the other person out there who is hoping to get this spot. Cheers. We're awesome.

Am I a Writer Anymore?

I've considered myself a writer since about 5th grade. I wouldn't even be embarrased to show someone some things I wrote at that age. I think as a 5th grader I was more skilled than some people currently published, but I'm not sure I am a writer now.

When I sit down to write now, everything I write is flat. I end up feeling like this:

...and yes, this is a fairly accurate depiction of my living room, except the parakeet has passed on, and his cage is sadly empty.

Is this the end result of too much academia and an emphasis in rhetoric and composition? I hope not because writing has always been a major stabilizing force in my life. Writing is empowering. It's something a shy person like me can do to make a difference. But I can't make a difference with writing that no one wants to read.

Or perhaps my struggle with writing has nothing to do with my academic endeavors. Perhaps it is yet another barrier I am struggling against with the resurgence of symptoms of depression. I've been managing this disease for 10 years (it was unmanaged before that). Working out, eating right, doing productive things all keep me in line. I am firmly against medication. 

In graduate school, I let myself be too busy to maintain my routine, and it started sneaking back up on me last November and has been hitting me in waves ever since. When I get depressed, I become a self-deprecating, nervous person. I can't sleep at night, but I want to curl up in bed all day. I can't eat. I'm less efficient at work. I develop paranoia that nobody likes me, even if we're supposedly friends.  

This resurgence had a major impact on my school work and my relationships last year, and with my impending joblessness, it's hitting me as hard as it's ever hit me before. I am physically sickened by it right now, so much so that I've been working from my parents house because the idea of returning to that city I hate during the week my boss is on vacation and I would be alone in the office gave me a panick attack. I couldn't get out of bed or eat.

It's always bothered me to be so smart and capable and to find myself so unreasonably limited by this irrational disease. I've got to start doing something worthwhile like writing to overcome it. I need to really focus on being a doer--work out, write, cook, crochet.

So I've got to keep telling myself that I am a writer. I made it through grad school with a 4.0, and I passed my defense with distinction. I can do amazing things despite this disease, even when it's trying its damnedest to pull me under. I can get a job now because I am incredibly quick to learn new things, and I am a skilled writer with a good sense of how to communicate with diverse perspectives.

Next, perhaps I will post a story. I've got this crazy fantasy in my head of a whole new sort of presidential candidate. Perhaps I will follow the presidential elections with my imaginary candidate participating in debates. More to come.

Newly-found Freetime: The Plan

Okay, so my last post was a bit of a sob story. Clearly, I have a lot of new free time opened up by lack of Scrabble. I should probably devote it to applying for jobs, but that's a bit depressing, so instead I'm making other plans.

First things first, when I get bummed out, I get into the kick of creative writing. I've still got a lot of research to do to work on my novel, so I think I will focus on the blog idea I had a while ago. (If you're a potential employer reading this, don't worry, I don't want to be a novelist, so I won't quit a job you might give me so that I can market a book someday).

My main complaint about this current blog is that it's sort of random babble. It's not really very meaningful for people who aren't friends invested in my life. It's my outlet since I live 5 hours away from my family, and my friends are even further away. I get to feeling isolated from people.

Back to the new blog though. Some time ago, I had the idea to create a blog of what I call "speculative responses." I would write flash speculative/science fiction in response to articles I read. I would also include brief summaries and links to articles. It's the way I like to engage with ideas--creatively.

I've always worked on longer works, so developing flash fiction will probably be rough for me at first, but I really want to get this going.

In the spirit of that, I'm going to start reading more interesting articles. My subscription to Scientific American Mind should start appearing soon, so I should be able to get some fuel there. I have the original story idea sparked by an article from the Atlantic.

Right now, I'm reading stuff in New Scientist, currently "The Hocus Pocus that Made Quantum Theory Work." I will admit  this particular magazine is often a bit too hard science to get me thinking because I prefer to engage with the social implications of ideas. I won't be writing any hard science fiction.

Mostly, I get my ideas from stuff I find on Twitter. My twitter feed just sort of hands all sorts of interesting articles to me. I just need to use my reading to spark some creativity, then I need to actually apply that creativity. Time to get lost in my own imagination since I'm not enjoying my reality right now.

Time to Start Over Anew...again

If you've known me long enough, you'll know that in the spring of 2008 my life plan blew up in my face.

I had the man of my dreams, had just nabbed my first "real" job after undergrad, and was headed towards the life I envisioned for myself. Then the dream man decided to become a Capuchin friar, and the whole dream package just imploded on me.

So I ran away. Literally. On a whim I applied to a couple of graduate schools. Then I moved to Kansas to go to K-State about 8 months after I'd even first had an inkling that I wanted to go to graduate school. I was sure that there, like in all other places, I would be as shy and isolated as ever, but I wasn't.

My fellow graduate students at K-State were the most friendly and amazing people I've ever known in my life. I love them all. Special acknowledgement to Christy for all her efforts in creating our graduate school community that brought shy nerds like me comfortably into the same group as crazies like Nic. Then, of course, my friendship with Nic helped to develop my friendship with Mariya, who is quite honestly my movie and TV soulmate. I also have a unique bond with her wife Lacey who is one of the few people that I can have comfortably in my bubble. Having Lacey around was like having one of my sisters close.

I had Lindsey who is incredibly unlike me in personality, but who likes similar books and movies. She's the best roommate I've ever had, mostly because she's the only roommate I ever had that successfully captured all the best elements of living with my sister Molly without the sisterly fights. Lindsey was great for a bad night that needed to be spent watching cheesy movies, or a trip to find chicken fingers and fries (my favorite comfort food). She's also the only non-sister roommate to cook and eat with me regularly. I really loved having a roommate to be like family and share mealtimes with. She's my soul-sister for sure. We also share a mutual love and mother-ship of my cat.

I want to move back to KS to be close to the few friends who remain, but I'm beginning to worry that I shouldn't. What if I don't make new friends wherever I get a job? Most of the KS remnants only have short-term plans for KS. As these people move on to bigger and better things, am I going to end up isolated and miserable?

I'll be honest and mention that I had a lot wrapped up in moving a couple of hours away from Chris, hoping that maybe we could work things out. Nightly online Scrabble with Chris has been a major redeeming factor of my time living in my current city, which I hate. I never wanted to move to the same city as Chris because if things didn't work, I didn't want to regret my location. Chris, though, is now dating someone else.

Needless to say, as soon as I found out about Chris's new lady friend, I quit the Chris thing cold turkey. For me, I'll never kick the habit as long as we're friends. I'll keeping hoping, and that's just not okay. It's going to be rough for a while adjusting to not playing Scrabble during my evenings. Who will I talk to while watching Star Trek and crocheting? There are few friends you can bother quite that much.

Blergh. As if my impending joblessness weren't stresseful enough.

Regardless, at this point I still have the largest concentration of friends in KS, so I'll keep applying for jobs there, but I'm going to apply for some close to Christy and Ryane out east, and I'll apply for some close to home too. I've enjoyed being far from my family, but I do know that my mom and my sisters are some of the most reliable friends that I have.

How the Interview Went

So I had an interview yesterday. I would honestly be surprised if I got the job, but it was a good interview trial run experience. I have some good ideas to make things go better the next time.

Mostly, I failed to ask a few questions that would have helped me to provide better responses to other questions. Now I know. I have a better plan. Glad I learned something. Time was not wasted.

Now I need to get some serious work done, but I feel deathly tired, and my stomach is in all sorts of knots. I would just like to do nothing for a few days. Life is hitting in full force right now, and some of it just isn't that great.

Holiday Weekend

So my holiday weekend hasn't been a super fun vacation, but I can't complain too much. I got to see some awesome friends.

I spent Saturday driving to KS. When I arrived, I had dinner with my friend Juli Anna, her mother, and her two tiny people. Juli Anna made parmesan chicken, and then I helped keep the baby happy while his momma got time to eat and talk to his daddy on Skype. Grandma managed the two year old's bath meanwhile. It was nice to see my friend, but boy she looked beat. I hope I get a job soon so that I can move closer and try to help her out until her hubby returns.

After that, I saw a whole slew of graduate school friends at a Halloween party sponsored by several of the graduate student groups. I was a bit too tired to handle so many people, but it was nice to see them all. I wore the sock monkey hat as my costume...lame I know.

Today I spent the day with Mariya for the most part. We were pretty mellow because I was tired and so was she. I also spent some time with my friend Maggie while Mariya was at a family event for a couple hours.

Now I am in a hotel several hours away. I'm pretty happy because I am showered and scrubbed clean. I have an interview in the morning. Wish me luck!

Then tomorrow after the interview, I will finally be going home. I will drive the 8 or 9 hours back to my parents' to pick up my cat and to trade my subaru for their truck (for moving purposes). Tuesday, I'll drive down to Denver to drop Dad at the airport, pick up my coat from Kerrie's, and drop my loaner laptop at the Denver office before I head back to GJ.

I'm so close to being home, and as much as the driving makes me feel tired, the idea of being home in my own bed after over a week makes me really happy.

The Frog Makes Trouble

I thought for sure I could finish my sister's frog hat tonight. I was wrong.

Between the loopy yarn that gets caught up on itself constantly and the fact that I can't quite figure out where to put the eyes, I'm tired of this hat, and I'm giving up for the night.

Stitching one eye on took quite a while because the yarn kept catching. You can imagine my joy when I realized the eyes was not in the right place and I needed to move it. I couldn't just snip the stiches out because I couldn't see where they were. I didn't want to undo the hat by accidentally snipping one of its stitches, so I had to pull the eye off stitch-by-stitch.

I guess I will wear a different hat to work tomorrow for our little Halloween celebration. The bird will suffice.

On a brighter note. I made fried chicken and acorn squash for dinner. It was tasty. After work tomorrow, I'm driving to my parents to visit my cat. Hooray!

On the Road

I've been a bit busy, traveling around the state of Colorado. On my drive through the mountains last Friday, I got to see this mountain turn orange in the sunset.

Then I visited my mom and my twin sister, and we carved a pumpkin. We designed it to be an evil zombie mouse. It has cats walking into its mouth. Molly (my sister) and I had fun designing it. The cats are hard to see in this photo (you can't see the 2nd cat at all).

Now I'm in Denver working. All the travel has worn me out, so I made a pie on Monday to help out with my stress. The crust was super flakey.

Today, I had a decently relaxing day. It was snowing pretty bad, and I am in unfamiliar territory, so I stayed at my sister's all day and VPNed into work. The snow was heavy enough to make the trees droop towards the ground quite a bit.

Moments of stress still influenced the day though. My boss is stressed out. Things are getting rougher and rougher for her. Fortunately, I think we finally found a replacement for me (after several top applicants turned down the job). I'm interviewing him tomorrow because he's here in Denver and not in GJ.

Because of his family, he'll have to work out of the Denver office, which means my boss will be a bit isolated in GJ. I hope he acts as an advocate for her in the Denver office to eliminate some of the tension she is currently experiencing. After hearing about the phone conversation she had with him today, I think we're pretty intent on hiring him. We'll see for sure after the interview.

Worrying about my boss has me stressed out too. If I don't find a job right away, I may act in a volunteer capacity to help train my replacement and perhaps chip away at some of the low priority maintenance tasks.

With all this stress, I need more crochet time. Last night I made cover for a mug Kerrie has that gets too hot. Another sock monkey. Everybody loves those.

I've also started on the eyeballs for Kerrie's frog hat. Hopefully she can wear it for Halloween then.

Saturday I will drive to Manhattan, KS to visit friends. Then Monday, I have an interview scheduled in Wichita. After that I have to make the very long drive back to GJ, but it will be nice to return home, especially because I miss my cat. She's staying with my mom right now, and I will collect her on my way home.

Why My Debt Doesn't Stress Me Out

Leaving behind my current temporary position for a permanent job, I'm wondering, how much room do I have to be picky about the job I take?

I have two degrees (and some loans to go with them), a car payment, no health insurance, no savings, and my 6-month job is about to be over.

At first, I was panicking a bit about my impending joblessness. Even if I go stay with my parents, how will I ever make all my monthly payments?

After recovering my wits, I realized it will be easy.

Before I went back for my MA, I was really good about taking my extra income and dividing it between retirement, savings, and paying off loans. My next loan payment for my undergrad loans isn't due until 2014. I'm that far ahead. Even with my current tight budget, I've been making monthly payments as if I am not that far ahead.

My next car payment isn't actually due until April, though I'd like to keep paying it off if possible simply because I'm between 5 and 6 months away from having paid off half of my debt on it.

I've got less of a handle on my graduate school loans. They have the highest interest rate, the highest balance, and my next payment is due in January, though that still gives me some flexibility in finding a job.

At first glance, I look like I'm in pretty bad shape, and really, I kind of am, but it could be worse. I have a buffer here, and I'm looking at a future with benefits and enough extra income that I can go back to actually paying into retirement and savings. I might even be able to afford a vacation.

Got an Interview

I have an interview. It wasn't my first pick, but I've been really impressed with the company's hiring practices, so this potential job is growing on me...a lot.

There were two definite jobs I wanted, and this wasn't one of those two. However, I think it has pushed one of those top two jobs below it.

What's more, the interview is on Halloween, which happens to be a Monday. For me this means that I can be in MHK on the Saturday before to attend the Halloween party being thrown by the English graduate student group. It works out especially well because I will be in Denver training people the whole week before, so I will be about 4.5 hours closer than if I were home in GJ.

I will get to see so many friends who were first years during my second year of grad school and even some of my favorites from my own class (cough, Mariya and Lacey). I couldn't be happier to get to see them all. I've missed them a ton.

I'm also so excited to be a Kansan again (and yes, I know most people think that's weird).

I Have Fun, Too!

I've noticed that none of my posts have been about anything fun lately. No crochet projects, no baking adventures, no weird TV watching, so here is a fun update.

I'm using this weird loopy green mohair yarn to make my sister's frog hat. It causes the hat to be a bit lumpy like the frog has warts, which is perfect and is not impacting the cuteness factor negatively. I purchased the yarn at the Salvation Army for 50 cents a skein six or seven years ago. It's just been waiting in a box for the perfect project. This is the perfect project.

I made another sock monkey coffee cup sleeve for my boss. She did a few rows for herself because I was trying to teach her, so it was a good collaborative effort.

I'm watching Star Trek, the original, on Netflix. Yesterday I watched the episode "Arena," which is based on a short story we read in the science fiction class I took last summer. It is soooo cool how Star Trek revised the story to suit the changing worldview. I also like seeing how progressive Star Trek was for its time. Tis awesome.

Last, but not least, I didn't do an ounce of baking this weekend, so tonight I'm making zucchini bread for my brother-in-law, Beej. Tomorrow I will make peach galettes for everyone else.

Must I Go to Work Today?

Really, it's not that I don't want to go to work today. It's just that I have so much I need to do. Why go to work when I have more than a full days work waiting for me at home? Oh wait, no one pays me to stay home. Oh, and I have this rising sense of panic that my replacement will not be able to pick up where I left off with some of my larger projects. My boss is stressed enough. I'd like to leave her in a good place. I did get halfway through revising the Administrator's manual at work yesterday, That's number 1, and it will get done before I leave. No doubts.

Mostly, I want to stay home so I can actually write a test for my tutees so that Thursday (my last day of tutoring) I can give them some sort of certificate of achievement and their scores. It's just wrong to end without offering them a sense of achievement.

I also want to clean up my home because with all the packing, it's a bit of a disaster, and I hate messes.

I could finally take my mound of donateable goods to the various places that might need them.

I could apply for a job or two. In case you're wondering, 3 rejections so far, but mostly a lot of no news. This morning I did get a "You made it through round 1. Fill out this questionnaire to see if you make it through round 2" email. Woohoo!

In procrastinating work, I just sewed my cat's favorite ball back together (again). I used yarn and a darning needle this time, hoping it would maybe hold up a little better than thread and that it would add some new substance. The sides of the ball are almost gone, and all that's really left is the stuffing inside. Of course, with newly fixed ball, cat wants to play fetch. That was not on my high priority list, but kitty is happy.

...in the process of all this, I just texted my boss to ask if I could come in late this morning, she said yes. Except, as I write this I am remembering that she is interviewing my replacement today, so I am now worrying that I should be there to tackle things while she is interviewing. Oh blergh.

I'm going to stay and write this test as quickly as possible. Then pitch in. Really, my boss suggested yesterday that she'd be okay with me falling behind on hours. She'd like me to pop in a bet during the week after I'm done so that I can help train. I'd kind of like to have a job by then, but it would be nice to continue alleviating her stress as long as possible.

Productivity! (cue Superman music)

Yesterday, I finally conquered the lingering dishes. I also copied a number of CDs onto my computer so that I can get rid of them. Books to donate are consolidated into a single box, which they are spilling out of. Other donateable stuff is in another box. Laundry is done. I even crocheted a few more rows on the frog hat for Kerrie.

Today I need to bake some zucchini bread for Beej and some pies or gallettes with my peaches. I also need to put some ears on the sock monkey coffee cup sleeve that my boss and I were collaboratively working on Friday night.

Right now I have Star Trek going, and I am packing books into a boxes. I'm going to try to pack as much as possible this week and move it to my parents this coming weekend when I visit them. I'll be bringing their truck back to GJ with me and leaving my precious subaru behind.

With the truck, I can rent a U-haul trailer, which is much cheaper than renting a truck.

I just need to figure out who can help me load the big stuff into the trailer. I don't mind asking my boss and her family for help with most of the stuff...but the entertainment center is monstrous. I may have to just break it up and put it in the dumpster. :(

Dear Holmes, Rest in Peace

I write out rest in peace above because, well, I feel like RIP just doesn't capture the beauty of the concept. The acronym means "to cut or tear apart in a rough or vigorous manner" (dictionary.com). That just doesn't capture the mood of "rest in peace," though it does capture another side of death, just not the well-wishing part.

Anywho, Sherlock Holmes was my parakeet. When I woke up yesterday morning, he was no longer with us. After initial shock, tears, texting my boss I would be late for work, and a day feeling distracted by thoughts of "what did I miss?" all I can think is that I was responsible for this tiny creature, and I failed.

Needless to say, I won't be leaving my cat with my parents for the week that I stay with my sister and brother-in-law. I am feeling particularly paranoid, so cat needs to be with me. I will be back to waking her up every time she falls alseep because she sleeps so soundly and looks dead sometimes. I did that all the time in grad school. I was paranoid that my cat would die because I was too busy to really pay attention to her, so I would shake her awake in a panic.

With bird gone, I'm wondering, is there something wrong with my apartment that I should be worried about? Is he the canary in the mine? Or was I feeding him too much? Parakeets are prone to obesity and little birdy heart attacks. Was something wrong with the most recent millet spray I gave him as a treat?

And as much as I am sad that my bird who was happily tweeting the night before was not alive the next day, I am also worried about cat. Who will keep her company all day while I am at work? That clever little bird loved tormenting the cat. He'd hop down to the bottom of the cage where she can just barely reach, and then he'd hop away. They both really seemed to enjoy having the other around, which is good because I really worried about the impact of getting a cat on my parakeet, but he definitely seemed happier with her in the picture.

Now I have to worry about her being lonely, but I think it's time to ditch the giant bird cage, which is hard to move from place to place, and it's time to just have cat since she is a good road-trip buddy and can travel with me much better without a bird in the car. No more birds.

Enough melancholy. It's laundry and baking time. I mean, I just conquered all of those dishes I was dreading cleaning up all week. I need to make more.

Cat-ness...Keeping Me Chipper

I am tired, not because I'm doing anything particularly tiring, but because I have so many things I need to get done.

I have like 30 projects I either need to wrap up or write instructions for so that my replacement at CPW will not be at a loss for what's going on. I really want to leave my boss and the future web temp in a best case scenario situation.

I also need to pack. Keep applying for jobs. Donate some stuff. Do the dishes--they just keep looming there in the sink, and I'm barely making a dent in them when I try.

I put in my notice for tutoring today. I feel bad leaving those lovely ladies behind. I hope someone awesome comes forth to fill my shoes, or better yet, some bigger ones.

With all this load, there is nothing like a soft furry cat to curl up next to at night. I love my cat!

Electrofishing...Zap, zap..FISH!!!

So I ditched the office on Friday to go electrofishing with the aquatic research section at work. Then I went out again on Saturday because I am nuts like that.

Essentially, electrofishing involves rigging boats each with a positive charge on the front and a negative charge on the back. Then you place two people with nets on long poles at the front of each boats and as fish are stunned by the electric current, they scoop them up and put them in a tub on the boat.

After a half mile or so, the boats pull over to give the netters a break from hauling in fish, and the haul is processed. You measure, weigh, tag, and record the fish so that the population and community distribution can be estimated.

We were really hoping to see a pikeminnow, but no such luck. I was lucky enough to catch a few razorback suckers and one bonytail chub. Those are endangered fish by the way.

For my part, I was a netter on river right the first day and river center the second day. I also did the record keeping when we stopped to process a haul. Day two we had an extra small crew, so I also did some of the fin clipping to mark fish we'd captured so that we knew that we'd already captured them if we caught them again later.

My back and arms have been sooooooo sore from netting and hauling in fish. It was, however, one of the coolest things I have ever done in my life. It was awesome, and I got to see a bonytail chub up close and personal. Absolutely amazing.

Fall Has Arrived

We have clouds, rain, 60 degree weather. This calls for hot chocolate.

Oh, but not just any hot chocolate. It calls for spicy hot chocolate. I can't even drink the regular stuff anymore.

Just mix a little cayenne and a little cinnamon in with your regular cocoa mix, and tada! It's soooooooo good. You must try it. Trust me.

If you think that I'm weird, think again. I didn't invent this myself. The credit goes to Caribou Coffee. I just figured out how to make an enjoyable home substitute.

I'm Out of Meat

So I'm not allowed to buy groceries until I'm either completely out of food because of this whole moving thing. Well, I'm pretty much out of meat, which means I'm going to primarily be vegetarian soon (temporarily).

I have 1 can of tuna, 1 fish filet, and 2 bratwurst.

I will probably eat the can of tuna sometime soon, and the brats are going to be eaten with some pasta and spaghetti sauce for meals later this week.  I'm saving the fish filet to celebrate when I get a job (if I get a job before I have to move, that is). So perhaps in the next week I will run out of meat.

I'm not really that bothered. I have gone vegetarian before because meat takes too much time to cook (I can be lazy) and because meat is expensive (I can be cheap).

Tonight, in transition towards my impending meatlessness, I am eating broccoli and garlic sauce over rice. Yep, that's it. Hooray for living cheap and cleaning out the cupboards. I'm actually quite pleased with this arrangement.

Crochet Madness

My super secret crochet project.

It's not so super-secret now that I've posted it on here.

The bird hat for my mom.

The angle makes the one eye look like it has more white than it really does.

It's pretty cool thus far.

Working on a scarf now.

Applied for the Job I Really Want

So I wrote a cover letter and revised my resume yesterday for the job I really want. Thanks to my peer reviewers, Lindsey, Chris, and Adriane.

It was an electronic application, but I still got to write a traditional cover letter, which is what I really prefer.

And, though they did have a box for cutting and pasting my resume into, they also had an upload Word document option, so I got to use my branded resume. You know, it has my name very large so people will remember me and a font that hopefully captures my professional persona.

I do worry that with a Word document, they will have a different version of Word and things will shift and look messy, or they won't have the same fonts, so it will default to something ugly (nervous smile face). I wish I could have uploaded it in PDF format, but that never happens.

I'm excited, and I really hope I get this job. I do need to keep applying for other things though. It would be very silly to put my eggs all in one basket, especially with such a well-known company that will probably receive hordes of applications.

Captain Productivity....Up, up, and away!

So, I have been out of town the past two weekends. It's resulted in my apartment being a general disaster all week, so I'm gonna clean up my mess, and then hopefully still feel enough motivation to apply for a job or two.

I've already loaded the crochet projects into their appropriate baskets, made coffee, sorted laundry, put the clean dishes away.

Right now, I've got the timer going for a load of laundry. I have four more lovely, color-coded mounds taking up the living room floor. It's a laundry rainbow, but I guess that's what happens when you wait 3 weeks to do laundry--towels, bedding, bathrobe, all the random extras need washed at once. I wore most of my jeans at least 3 times.

I've got a stack of receipts and mail next to me to sort and log. I will sort the mail into piles for filing, shredding, and responding. I log all my receipts into a notebook with categories of spending so that I can see how much I am spending and assess how I can improve my finances. My budget is pretty tight, so it's important to know where I stand. Right now I stand in a mound of receipts because I've been on the road a lot, and that happens. This will have been a pricy month. Hopefully October will be like August...surprisingly cheap.

After that, I think I will make zucchini bread to work as breakfast. I have a rule when it gets down to the last month-or-so before I move that I have to be very creative with my food and eat what I have. I ran out of cereal yesterday, so the baking supplies will be developing breakfasts for the remainder of my time here. I think when I get down to the bare bones of my fridge, freezer, and cupboards, I will buy 1 bag of  potstickers and 1 of edamame for my dinners. I will perhaps buy a few sale microwave box meals for lunch at work. Potstickers smell like feet when microwaved, and it's never a good idea to make your work environment smell like that.

Of course, the cat crawled into my lap while I've been blogging, and that always ruins my motivation to do anything. This morning she was curled up next to me on the bed, so I read the first 50 pages of Water for Elephants instead of getting up. I really do need to apply for jobs though, and I'd also like a relaxing bath to perhaps indulge in more reading about circus folks, so I'd best clean up this place. A serious vacuuming should be in order after the laundry rainbow is washed, dried, and folded and no longer on the floor.

"On Keeping a Notebook"

I just read Joan Didion's "On Keeping a Notebook," courtesy of my friend Brigit's blog (that's brig + it, not bridge + it).

As a side note, Brigit is the original source of my nickname Schurl. I owe her for it. It has become my unique identifier. The one separated out from family history and background. It's me, as the person I have made of myself, not defined by where I come from.

Anywho, back to "On Keeping a Notebook." I read it, and while some moments were so distant to me that I was only skimming and not absorbing, other's hit like a brain freeze, forcing a strange sort of self reflection.

Reading what Didion wrote about why she keeps a notebook was like reading about myself. It made me feel like an ethereal poet. Somehow above this world and removed from it in an empowering spiritual way. It also made me feel hollow, removed -- hopeless. I will never be enough in touch with reality to be happy with the way things are. I'm in my own little world, both beautiful and empty, toggling back and forth between pride and self-dejection.

This all sounds very melancholy, but it's this toggling perspective that drives me to do something meaningful, yet hopefully keeps me humble after I accomplish things. It's not bad, just difficult.

Productivity--Always Difficult to Define

So I've been pretty productive.

1. I cranked out a miniature crochet object that will remain mysteriously non-descript for now.
2. I have finished the basic form of the bluebird hat for my mom, complete with wing-shaped flaps. I also completed the white portion of one eye.

Well, really that's it, but a lot of time went into those things.

I haven't, however, applied for any jobs this week. I need to. Saturday, I better behave myself and commit to the time consuming process.

I will need to tailor my resume to each job. Research each company and write cover letters. Send it all off. I will probably be forced to fill out some of those tedious and redudant online applications, which are so hard to do well. I really do prefer a quality cover letter and a resume to those online systems. They strip away ones humanity, and really, it's a particular manifestation of humanity that makes a good documentation specialist.

I mean, to write something that communicates important information, you have to be able to get into the shoes of other people. Not everyone is good at that. Documentation specialists need to be attuned to the needs of others to increase communication. I'm not talking empathy here; I'm talking awareness, even logic. A strong sense of the social interworkings that make communication work is necessary.

I guess these systems could work if you're looking at experience, if you're relying on the resume to do all the work. I'm applying for entry-level jobs, the resume can't do all the work. The cover letter has to make the impression, and it's almost impossible to do so in those online structures--at least most that I've seen.

So please, cross your fingers that I don't have to fill out those things. They are not my forte.

Looking for Jobs

I'm not nervous. I mean, I certainly come across a lot of things I am not qualified for, but I come across a lot that I am qualified for. The prospects look promising.

KC is a great city to want to be in if you're looking for a job as a Technical Writer/Documentation Specialist, too. A lot of other cities don't have half as many options. I'm even seeing some positions seeking people with English degrees. Woohoo!

So far, a lot of the jobs are temporary and contract. That's one of the downfalls of looking in the tech writing field. However, I am a smart, efficient, detail-oriented professional. I know from past experience that people will be impressed with my work ethic and quality of work, so even if I move 13 hours away for a contract job, I may end up with a permanent job by the end or at least some productive experience to add to my resume.

It will probably be very competative, but the job I'm the most excited about is with H&R Block. They need someone to produce training documentation and to run trainings. That is my favorite part of my current job, and I think it's something that could be a lot of fun. Being in training is like being central to making an organization a well-oiled machine, and I think proper training and support materials can make a big difference in helping other employees to be happy with what they're doing. Frustration can ruin a workplace, and as a training documenter-editor-provider, I could really help alleviate some workplace frustration.

I dunno--we'll see if I actually have a job in a month-and-a-half when I'm done here, but I really do have a positive outlook. Any other outlook is a waste of time. If anything, seeing Big Cartel hire someone else when I really wanted that job was sad, but when I looked at the website of the person they did hire, I knew why. Her talent was immediately apparent in the web presence she had, and while I know I could have done a very good job, she was clearly going to be absolutely amazing.

If I don't get a job, it's because someone of oustanding caliber did. The only way to respond to that kind of rejection is to seek to be more awesome. Every time I am rejected, I will not whine about the system. Instead, I will review what I have and improve. Then I will try again.

Time to go to work. This evening, the application process begins.

When is there time?

It doesn't matter what someone suggests I do, I think the best response is "when is there time?"

I work, I tutor, I crochet. Life isn't bad, but then the last two weekends I have been forced to drive at least 5 hours away, taking Friday's off, and I'm behind on everything.

I need to do laundry. I need to work out. I need to make more progress on my crochet projects. I need to catch up on sleep. I need to make up work hours. I need to apply for jobs. I need to create a website.  I need to cook. I need to clean.

When is there time? I don't want to do any of it. I want to magically have a job, a cute apartment, a fitness routine, and energy to cook. At least, I am excited about the job potentials I am finding. I am just sad that applying is cutting into my crochet time.

Just so you know, I am not traveling again unless it's for an interview. I'm staying home with my silly cat to relax when I can.

Cynicism on the Rise

Chris and I were chit-chatting about perspective, especially in relation to positivity.

He shared the following quote with me, I think it might be George Saunders: "So I got a little place of my own and moved her in with me. Now we're pals. Family. It's not perfect. Sometimes it's damn hard. But I look after her and she squeals with delight when I come home, and the sum total of sadness in the world is less than it would have been."

Chris said of this, "I like that last part...it's been said before, but it's nice to be reminded that that's even possible."

For some odd reason, me being the weirdo that I am, I thought of this song from Dr. Horrible:



Yep. This captures two opposing perspectives, and it's fun.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

I finished Angel. Kind of glad it's over. The end was a bit of a let-down.

Now I'm on to much better things: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Oh Netflix instant stream, you do offer everything I could want.

Here's a peek, courtesy of YouTube...



Slipping, especially the early portion, is one of my favorites.

A Place Called Home

So in my watching of Angel, I discovered the following song, which I thought was amazing. I will be downloading it via iTunes shortly. It's Kim Richey's "A Place Called Home."

It's the sort of song that just suits me right now in such a way that I can listen to it over and over again and just relax.

What's even better is I found it with Merlin footage, and since Merlin may be my current favorite show, it is the perfect mix.



Hope you enjoyed.

Lined Hats...Crochet Happiness

So here are my first two completed hats. They both are lined with black fleece. Lining hats is hard, but I think it is worth it. I need to work on my measuring of lining though since the lining doesn't have the elasticity of the yarn.

 

Extra Wiggle Room

If you haven't checked out Nancy Upton's blog, you should: http://extrawiggleroom.tumblr.com/. She's a gorgeous full-figured woman that's at war with the fashion industry--in the funniest and sexiest way possible.

She's put together a parody fashion shoot that is funny and artistically gorgeous.

I followed some of the links to other sites to see what people are saying about her, and there are mixed reviews. One fashion site she links to is absolutely crude, calling Nancy disgusting, saying she needs to lose weight, and berating heavy women for eating too much.

I kind of want to punch those people in the face. More importantly, I want to compare the impact of her fashion shoot on me versus the kind of things I see in most ads.

I'm 5'7" and have the following dimensions: 34" bust, 28" waist, 38" hips. I'm not the supposed ideal skinniness, but I'm sort of on the skinny side of curvy. I look at the fashion shoot with the gorgeous Nancy Upton, and it's an entirely positive experience.

1. I feel better about my own weight, and not in a "she's fat and I'm not" kind of way, but in a she's beautiful, so I must be too way.
2. Looking at her wearing clothes makes me feel like I could pull them off. I would go shopping and perhaps even wear makeup (which I am usually too lazy to do) after looking at Nancy's shoot. When I see an ad with the usual wraiths, I think, "I'm not sure that would look good on me." Nancy Upton is already making me feel good about myself.
3. In other words, Nancy motivates me towards the kind of materialism that good marketing would hope to encourage in me. The wraiths don't work that well.

So kudos to Nancy. She rocks and has become a hero of mine.

Baking Day Bravery

Last weekend, I didn't do any of the crazy baking that I planned to do. I just crocheted like mad.

Today, I just did all the dishes so that I can make another mess baking some stuff with the giant bowl of grated zucchini I have (and handful of frozen overripe bananas). It took me like a half hour to grate the zucchini I had. It was 2 feet long and probably had a 4 inch diameter.

I know I want to make zucchini bread with some chocolate chips in them. It's one of my childhood favorites. I did like the zucchini cornbread I made last time, but it won't go well with chocholate, and I'm trying to make some healthier snacks to satisfy my sweet tooth.

Then, while I was Googling zucchini bread recipes (because internet reviews always reveal the best-of-the-best) I saw an add for a blueberry muffin recipe, and I thought "those look amazing, too bad I don't have blueberries." My secondary thought was I will go buy blueberries and make those scrumptious looking muffins and then let Chris know because he likes blueberry stuff. I'm cruel like that (he lives too far away to share).

Thinking further, I realized if I text Chris an intentionally tormenting message about amazing blueberry muffins, he will just tell me they should have been scones.  That got me thinking that 1) I should try to make a chocolate zucchini scone, and 2) I wanted to make chocolate banana scones anyway.

So when I head out shopping later, I will stop by the grocery store to pick up cream for making scones. I think I need more sugar for all this baking anyway.

Like all my strange shopping ventures, I will also be looking for a brown cardigan, returning an air filter that wasn't right and getting the right one, and getting more color-changing yarn to make a scarf to go with the sock monkey hat because I forgot that part. I actually have to go to 5 different stores to accomplish this. :(  Best get started.

I will post on the success of the zucchini scones and perhaps provide a recipe or two later.

First Hat Finished (...ish)

I finished my first fancy hat (well mostly). Check it out! I still need to line it with felt and add the tassles to the bottom of the ties.

Poor Packaging

I am a solid fan of Häagen-Dazs dessert products. My personal favorite is the coffee ice cream, but I also like to eat the vanilla frozen yogurt with my personal addition of nerds.

If you're a Häagen-Dazs fan too, you'll know that the company color codes their froyo and ice cream tubs. Ice cream tubs are red, and froyo tubs are green. So imagine the trouble I have now that, after my most recent trip to grocery store, I possess a vanilla raspberry froyo and a green tea ice cream.

I open the fridge and my brain thinks "red=raspberry" and "green=green tea," but not so! No, every single time, I grab the wrong tub because the ice cream-froyo color-coded system defies the flavors I have selected.

I better go back to coffee ice cream and vanilla froyo. The color-coding doesn't mess me up then.

Of course, their website has just informed me that they have a lemon option in their "five ice cream" selection, which includes ice creams that are composed of only five ingredients. That sounds like my next ice cream purchase for sure.

Hat Sketches

Here are my hat sketches with some PhotoShop coloring. The baby hat is actually going to be multi-colored yarn, not orange.

So there are the hat plans. I wanted to do something weirder for myself, but couldn't think of anything I really liked, so if you have any ideas, I might change my plan.