Test Anxiety

So my job is a bit like taking a test...all day long.

I spend forever reading and processing each question, struggling with those that might be interpreted in more than one way.

I worry that I will fail because I am taking too long.

Like a take-home test, I even spend forever trying to find the right answer and even more time trying to transfer the knowledge to the test in a meaningful way.

Who knew revising a test could be like taking one? The major perk is that when I find a question that I know could be interpreted in multiple ways, I get to make it clearer, rather than struggling with how the writer wants me to interpret it.

As to the worry that I am taking too long, well hopefully I get faster as I become more comfortable with this subject. I've been incredibly efficient at past jobs; I'll get there with this one, right?

In contrast, I'm also worried that I sacrificed quality unecessarily in favor of time with the test I finished reviewing today. I think I should just tell my boss that and maybe he can give me an estimate of what a reasonable amount of time on my text project might be? That's fair. I shouldn't try to do all of this without some guidance.

Tomorrow should be better--a smaller test to review (all on my own, not picking up where someone else left off and trying to make sense of it), and I might get to review a video tutorial. That last part sounds fun.

My boss just wants to see how my brain works. I'm confident that my brain is doing exactly what he'd like it to be doing on a quality scale, but my lack of subject matter knowledge might make me too inefficient to keep this up. Not understanding the subject makes me pretty slow. Please let me hike up this learning curve like a Himalayan guide. Please, oh, please.

On a strange note, two days of working at this job, and I am mildly interested in getting my pilot's license. Probably can't afford it though, so it will stay one of my crazy thoughts that get no follow-through. It would probably stay that way if I could afford it. :)

Doing the Freedom Dance

I'm done with work. I'm happy. I'm free!

I need to clean my apartment and load up my car. *sad face*

It's weird, but I may never actually see my boss again. She's been a great boss and a good friend, but I don't have any reason to come back to this place. That's kind of weird--not that I thought I would see her again when I left the last time. Well, actually, I did come for visits before, but that's when I had a few friends here too. Everyone is gone now.

I need to clean the bird cage and drop it off at Goodwill tomorrow morning. I thought about doing it this afternoon, but I'd rather lounge.

Right now, I'm reading SOPA, the Stop Online Piracy Act. People are talking about it as if it will censor our freedom of speech. I'm not sure about that since the first line says that this bill isn't allowed to make any changes that would restrict our freedom of speech. I'm not saying people won't use this bill to try, but I think any judge in the nation will exercise caution before upholding anything that might remotely compromise freedom of speech. I do think that this bill demonstrates how much the policies of our nation are being shaped by corporations rather than the people. For that reason, this bill scares me. It does give more power to corporations, and I think they have more than enough since most haven't demonstrated much interest in doing what's right for the larger population. Social justice isn't high up on their concerns.

I used to read legislation rather than take seriously anything I heard about a bill. I haven't done that in a while, so I'm doing it now. I used to get great science fiction ideas from reading legislation too. I still remember reading a failed women's rights bill from the 60s, and it would have been a great jumping off point for a speculative fictional world. I'm sure at the time women felt like they'd been denied something important, but from what I remember, the world have been a weird and scary place shaped by the ideas of that bill.

Back to SOPA and perhaps a nap. Going out for a beer and fries with my boss later. She's a bit stressed, so we're going to work on her resume. I think she'd like to be as free from the job as I now am.

Phase 2 of Application Done

I turned in that load of work. I just decided, no more second guessing, so I turned it in. We'll see what happens.

I'm nervous.

If I don't get this, it's because I don't know enough about aviation, which would be a pretty fair reason not to hire me.

I'd like to have a job though. There is only one other job that I'm still waiting to hear back from. The rest have all been rejections.

On the Road

I've been a bit busy, traveling around the state of Colorado. On my drive through the mountains last Friday, I got to see this mountain turn orange in the sunset.

Then I visited my mom and my twin sister, and we carved a pumpkin. We designed it to be an evil zombie mouse. It has cats walking into its mouth. Molly (my sister) and I had fun designing it. The cats are hard to see in this photo (you can't see the 2nd cat at all).

Now I'm in Denver working. All the travel has worn me out, so I made a pie on Monday to help out with my stress. The crust was super flakey.

Today, I had a decently relaxing day. It was snowing pretty bad, and I am in unfamiliar territory, so I stayed at my sister's all day and VPNed into work. The snow was heavy enough to make the trees droop towards the ground quite a bit.

Moments of stress still influenced the day though. My boss is stressed out. Things are getting rougher and rougher for her. Fortunately, I think we finally found a replacement for me (after several top applicants turned down the job). I'm interviewing him tomorrow because he's here in Denver and not in GJ.

Because of his family, he'll have to work out of the Denver office, which means my boss will be a bit isolated in GJ. I hope he acts as an advocate for her in the Denver office to eliminate some of the tension she is currently experiencing. After hearing about the phone conversation she had with him today, I think we're pretty intent on hiring him. We'll see for sure after the interview.

Worrying about my boss has me stressed out too. If I don't find a job right away, I may act in a volunteer capacity to help train my replacement and perhaps chip away at some of the low priority maintenance tasks.

With all this stress, I need more crochet time. Last night I made cover for a mug Kerrie has that gets too hot. Another sock monkey. Everybody loves those.

I've also started on the eyeballs for Kerrie's frog hat. Hopefully she can wear it for Halloween then.

Saturday I will drive to Manhattan, KS to visit friends. Then Monday, I have an interview scheduled in Wichita. After that I have to make the very long drive back to GJ, but it will be nice to return home, especially because I miss my cat. She's staying with my mom right now, and I will collect her on my way home.

Must I Go to Work Today?

Really, it's not that I don't want to go to work today. It's just that I have so much I need to do. Why go to work when I have more than a full days work waiting for me at home? Oh wait, no one pays me to stay home. Oh, and I have this rising sense of panic that my replacement will not be able to pick up where I left off with some of my larger projects. My boss is stressed enough. I'd like to leave her in a good place. I did get halfway through revising the Administrator's manual at work yesterday, That's number 1, and it will get done before I leave. No doubts.

Mostly, I want to stay home so I can actually write a test for my tutees so that Thursday (my last day of tutoring) I can give them some sort of certificate of achievement and their scores. It's just wrong to end without offering them a sense of achievement.

I also want to clean up my home because with all the packing, it's a bit of a disaster, and I hate messes.

I could finally take my mound of donateable goods to the various places that might need them.

I could apply for a job or two. In case you're wondering, 3 rejections so far, but mostly a lot of no news. This morning I did get a "You made it through round 1. Fill out this questionnaire to see if you make it through round 2" email. Woohoo!

In procrastinating work, I just sewed my cat's favorite ball back together (again). I used yarn and a darning needle this time, hoping it would maybe hold up a little better than thread and that it would add some new substance. The sides of the ball are almost gone, and all that's really left is the stuffing inside. Of course, with newly fixed ball, cat wants to play fetch. That was not on my high priority list, but kitty is happy.

...in the process of all this, I just texted my boss to ask if I could come in late this morning, she said yes. Except, as I write this I am remembering that she is interviewing my replacement today, so I am now worrying that I should be there to tackle things while she is interviewing. Oh blergh.

I'm going to stay and write this test as quickly as possible. Then pitch in. Really, my boss suggested yesterday that she'd be okay with me falling behind on hours. She'd like me to pop in a bet during the week after I'm done so that I can help train. I'd kind of like to have a job by then, but it would be nice to continue alleviating her stress as long as possible.

Labor Day Weekend - It's About Labor

I have a lot of things I want to do this weekend.

1. I want to copy all my CDs onto my computer so that I can get rid of the CDs. They take up too much space, and I never use them...except maybe my Fellowship of the Ring Soundtrack.
2. I want to work on hat-making and start Molly's blanket.
3. I want to bake my giant zucchini into a tasty cake.
4. I want to make a peach pie.

I already sliced and froze a bunch of peaches, and I've started copying CDs. I think, though, that I should take a break to play puzzle pirates with my sister.

Cheers!

Week 1 of Being an Adult...again.

So I'm an "adult" again. I work 8 hour days. Well actually I worked 9 hours days this week and got off at noon today, but it all works out the same.

I'm gonna be a lot less bored at work this time around, I think. We're transferring our site to a new content management system, and it's going to be a bit insane. Good news is, I have a good shot at being approved for overtime, which means I can make this job worthwhile. Working overtime won't seem hard at all after grad school.

Of course, if I work too much, chances are slim that I will finish my novel while I am here. I need to not lose sight of that priority.

Also, I got an apartment by the park and some tennis courts. It's a nice place to go running, and maybe I can find a tennis friend. That should be good. My neighbors on either side are a blind lady and an old man with short term memory loss. Hooray for quiet neighbors?

I already found a hiking buddy through work, and she invited me to a poetry reading yesterday too. Yay for prospective good friends.

Now I just need to get my own internet access.

Homelessness...A Good Choice

So, I was really, really stressed out by the fact that people didn't want to rent to me without me seeing the places. It was impossible for me to visit with school, but I think it worked out okay.

If I had a place to live, I'd be sleeping on the floor with a sleeping bag looking forward to a whole day of unpacking.

Because I have no place, I instead get to stop by my parents' and spend the night. I get to chill in the morning, and I can leave for Grand Junction around lunch. I will get to sleep in a bed tomorrow night and go to work properly rested.

It's a much better way to go about everything I think. The only downside is a week without my cat. :(

...and I had to leave all my friends behind. Goodbye grad school.

Blergh, starting over....again. Oh well.

Graduate School or Life?

I have a list of things to do a mile long this weekend. Some of which are for school some of which are for fun.

School Things     Write New Section of Writing Project Grade Students' Correspondence Portfolios Read for Indian Children's Lit Read for Technical Communication Read 1 Source and Write 1 Annotation for Indian Children's Lit

Life Things     Apply for Dream Job & Others Cook Fancy Dinner with/for Friends Attend Nerdy Harry Potter Fan-based Wizard Rock Concert Make Scones for Chris (He washed my car because I was having a bad day--love him!)

Today, I am prioritizing "Life Things," even though there is no way that I can get all the "School Things" done tomorrow. Oh well. Some of them can be done during the week, and I did spend half my morning preparing resources for the group project my students are currently working on.

On another note, what a cooking weekend!

I feel like I haven't spent time with Mariya and Lacey in a thousand years, so we're gathering to make a bulgur risotto with corn, shrimp, and red bell pepper for dinner. Nic, Christy, and Ryane are gonna be there, too! It's gonna be like old times when Nic and I were single--a couple of straight cats surrounded by lesbiens. Chris and Ashley won't be there, but we'll live since we'll be surrounded by awesome friends.

Tomorrow, I will bake the scones while I read for Indian Children's Literature. I have a lot of stuff I want to use up, so I'm going to make some white cheddar and dill scones, some banana walnut scone, and perhaps some chocolate & coconut scones. I'm excited, but kind of sad. Chris leaves for Omaha at the end of the month. When will I next get to butter him up with baked goods? :(

Okay...it's job application time!