Time to Start Over Anew...again

If you've known me long enough, you'll know that in the spring of 2008 my life plan blew up in my face.

I had the man of my dreams, had just nabbed my first "real" job after undergrad, and was headed towards the life I envisioned for myself. Then the dream man decided to become a Capuchin friar, and the whole dream package just imploded on me.

So I ran away. Literally. On a whim I applied to a couple of graduate schools. Then I moved to Kansas to go to K-State about 8 months after I'd even first had an inkling that I wanted to go to graduate school. I was sure that there, like in all other places, I would be as shy and isolated as ever, but I wasn't.

My fellow graduate students at K-State were the most friendly and amazing people I've ever known in my life. I love them all. Special acknowledgement to Christy for all her efforts in creating our graduate school community that brought shy nerds like me comfortably into the same group as crazies like Nic. Then, of course, my friendship with Nic helped to develop my friendship with Mariya, who is quite honestly my movie and TV soulmate. I also have a unique bond with her wife Lacey who is one of the few people that I can have comfortably in my bubble. Having Lacey around was like having one of my sisters close.

I had Lindsey who is incredibly unlike me in personality, but who likes similar books and movies. She's the best roommate I've ever had, mostly because she's the only roommate I ever had that successfully captured all the best elements of living with my sister Molly without the sisterly fights. Lindsey was great for a bad night that needed to be spent watching cheesy movies, or a trip to find chicken fingers and fries (my favorite comfort food). She's also the only non-sister roommate to cook and eat with me regularly. I really loved having a roommate to be like family and share mealtimes with. She's my soul-sister for sure. We also share a mutual love and mother-ship of my cat.

I want to move back to KS to be close to the few friends who remain, but I'm beginning to worry that I shouldn't. What if I don't make new friends wherever I get a job? Most of the KS remnants only have short-term plans for KS. As these people move on to bigger and better things, am I going to end up isolated and miserable?

I'll be honest and mention that I had a lot wrapped up in moving a couple of hours away from Chris, hoping that maybe we could work things out. Nightly online Scrabble with Chris has been a major redeeming factor of my time living in my current city, which I hate. I never wanted to move to the same city as Chris because if things didn't work, I didn't want to regret my location. Chris, though, is now dating someone else.

Needless to say, as soon as I found out about Chris's new lady friend, I quit the Chris thing cold turkey. For me, I'll never kick the habit as long as we're friends. I'll keeping hoping, and that's just not okay. It's going to be rough for a while adjusting to not playing Scrabble during my evenings. Who will I talk to while watching Star Trek and crocheting? There are few friends you can bother quite that much.

Blergh. As if my impending joblessness weren't stresseful enough.

Regardless, at this point I still have the largest concentration of friends in KS, so I'll keep applying for jobs there, but I'm going to apply for some close to Christy and Ryane out east, and I'll apply for some close to home too. I've enjoyed being far from my family, but I do know that my mom and my sisters are some of the most reliable friends that I have.

Random Update

I don't feel like paragraphs today.

1. Still waiting on a person to give the okay on being used for a reference on my library volunteer application.
2. Last night I had pie for dinner. Tonight--coffee ice cream. Mmmmm Haagan Dazs.
3. Work was much, much better today. We made progress.
4. I haven't watch Netflix all week.
5. I got my first Swap.com trade for a book. Woot!

I am really feeling like an MLS is the way for me, and I think there is hope for going back to K-State to teach for a semester before I make all this happen.

It's Not All Bad

So, I'm bored at work, and I want out of this place soooooooooooo bad. Grand Junction has beautiful scenery, but the city itself is just not for me, not at all. I know others felt that way about Manhattan, KS, but I really fit that place.

It's not all bad though. I have nothing to do, so I watch endless hours of TV. I am on season five of Lost now. Man that show takes 100 years to catch up on, but I'm getting there. I'm hooked. I also can't wait to be done with it sot hat I can do something else.

I have time to read and write--though my new tv habits are infringing on that right now, but perhaps I need to take a bit of a break from such academic pursuits post-grad school.

My apartment fits me...except there is not enough counterspace to dry a plate on, let alone do serious baking. No pies will get made in this home. The other day I had the cutting board out on the living room floor to chop squash and onions. There are however, plants abloom outside. The irises that were out when I gote here are all curled up, but now there is a glorious white rose bush just oustide my door. There are pink in front of the neighbors' and dark purply-red ones across the lawn.

I've been working out. I'm getting more toned, and I've lost seven lbs since the move.  I'll give credit for that to the loss of friends to cook/eat with. I have nothing better to do but be fit and no motivation to cook. I'm about seven pounds away from my goal.

As soon as I get my bike fixed, I'll be riding it to work. That will be nice too. Also there is a track and a pool within walking distance, so swimming and running are open possibilities too.

About 168 days maximum left in this place. I have to be out of my apartment by November 18th. Twenty days done. Blergh.

Where's My Fairy Godmother?

...and serious mental distraction has struck again. I want my life back.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I have so much pent up anxiety and stress, and there's nothing I can do to alleviate it.

Nothing.

I would like a time turner.

Please.

Step 1, Get Job. Step 2, Write Novel.

I'm on a writing kick again...not really. I don't actually have time to write a novel, but I really want to be working on my novel right now. I guess that's it. I need to find a 9 to 5 job where I can go home and write after work.

If all else fails, I'm applying with the Colorado Division of Wildlife again. They increased the pay. The rent in GJ went down, and now I know Amber who can hook me up with a geek circle there. It's only 6 months again, but maybe I can find something that's a good fit while I'm there. (Look at me assuming I'd get in, but Loyse would probably appreciate not to have to train someone.) It's so hard to apply for jobs while in grad school. I'm not able to put my full effort in.

Anywho, when I worked for them before, I had time to write (and to read!) because when I left work, I was done for the day. Maybe I can get one novel done in that 6 months, find a new job before my time there is up, and start seeking publication.

Quite honestly, though I was a bit bored at work and didn't like GJ much for social reasons, I was generally happiest with my life then. I worked out every day. I cooked amazing food. I worked on my novel. I read books that I wanted to read. I crocheted. The only deterrent is that I made almost no friends there, and my old roommate is moving away. Hopefully Amber can hook me up with a proper crowd of nerds.