Feeling the Downward Pull

For those of you who also suffer from depression, you know that a high can be as rough as a low. With a high comes fear. Fear that good things will slip away. With this fear comes the same dark thoughts that come with a low. Is anything really worth it? Is it time to give up? The scariest thing about these thoughts on a high is that with a high there is no worry that someone will feel to blame. How can they? If everything is so perfect, it's hard for something to look like a cause.

On a more positive note, I've got to get a little drive back into my life for the purpose of coping. My major drive used to be my intense faith and as a secondary element of that, my writing. When I was a religious zealot, I felt like writing was my calling. It was my mode of evangelizing. Since I no longer am a religious zealot, I feel like my passion to write has fizzled out.

That can't be the case though. I wrote constantly long before I was an uber Christian. That portion of myself is hiding somewhere. I need it. I need to cut my Netflix subscription and my internet and force myself to find entertainment in constant reading and writing again. It's time.