Graduate School OR Going Back to High School

So a friend posted the article "Paranoid? You Must Be a Grad Student" on facebook. I felt like it was the story of the past two years of my life.

During my time in grad school, I've felt like I have regressed. I was this confident mature career-minded person after a short stint in the working world. I could take on the world at that time. Now I'm paranoid socially, romantically, academically, etc. I find myself at the end of grad school an absolute mess. I haven't had this kind of anxiety since high school, and I'm about as emotionally stable as my high school self, which for me is a pretty low place to be.

The problem in high school was that I was a part of a very competative social circle that was obsessed with grades. Everything was a competition. One of the major irritants I remember in high school was taking physics early in the day when all my friends had it in the afternoon. They would ask me about the test during lunch and then act like they were smarter than me when their test scores came back higher. It still bugs me because they had an advantage, which I gave them. Grad school is the same sort of competative social environment.

When I get depressed, it usually has to do with school, and it's a vicious cycle. I have to not try so that I don't stress myself out about perfection, but I also have to do well because I would rather be dead than fail. I've managed to survive my classes with relative stability, but the actual masters project has been a nightmare for me, and it's come close to being my undoing on several occassions.

Why am I telling you all this? If I decide to get my PhD, you should shoot me or commit me. I would be better off working at Wal-mart.

On a positive note, just two more weeks. In two weeks, I can sleep on a regular schedule. I can cook healthier and fancier. I can spend my evenings reading whatever I want or crocheting and watching a movie. In two weeks I will have time to work out. I'm so close to this happy future, it's hard to focus on school, but in two weeks life will be magnificent (at least relatively speaking).

Count-down to Graduation

So a couple of my friends have started posting facebook statuses of their final to-do lists before we graduate. I decided to jump on board, but my list was too long for a facebook status, so here it is.

1. Grade correspondence portfolios for 417
2. 15-20 page paper for 710
3. 2000-2500 word paper for 759
4. Masters defense
5. Presentation for 759
6. Research log for 759
7. 2 feasibility reports for 759
8. Grade 18 final reports & presentations for 417
9. Final test for 710
10. Grade all revisions for 417

I also have a couple readings left for 710, but they're small, so I'm not counting them. Blergh. How will I get all of this done in 2 weeks? Also, why do I still procrastinate so much 25 years into life?

Scheduling My Defense

I have feedback from my committee for my masters project.

I'll be revising this weekend.

Currently, I'm attempting to schedule my defense. It is looking like May 4th around 4pm.

Now I just need to get papers done so that I can focus on my defense. My brain is soooooooooooo tired.

It Hasn't Been that Great of a Day

Well, it just hasn't. I've had a knot of tension in my stomach all day, even though it really should be a good day. My students had a great time with Legos, and Indian Children's Lit had better discussion than we've had most of the semester. I finished reading Tech Comm reading for the week, too.

I still need to crank out a response paper for tech comm material I am just not invested in. I also really need to finish my writing project. The newest draft is onto a 17th page though, catching up to where I was on the previous version.

What I really want to do right now is revise my short story. Why is there no time? Lame. Back to my response paper.

Also...here is a song for the day. It's an odd song for an odd day. My roommate says it's creepy and melancholy, and she's right, but for some reason I find it very catchy and enjoy it even when I'm chipper. I know; I'm a freak.

Subject: Typeface...the best reading I've done in a while.

So one of the assigned readings for Technical Communications for tomorrow is a couple chapters of Robin Williams's (no, not the actor) The Non-Designer's Design Book. I actually loved Chapter 8: Categories of Type. It's probably one of the clearest texts I've ever read on typeface, and who wouldn't enjoy learning about it from a woman who argues the you can generally label a font decorative "if the thought of reading an entire book in that font makes you wanna throw up" (90).

I also appreciate that she lumps her principles of design into 4 basic categories that form the acronym CRAP: contrast, repetition, alignment, and proximity. She doesn't actually say they form the acronym CRAP, but she alludes to it, and there is no way I will forget her principles of design. I wish I would have read this a little over a week ago. I just taught my students 6 principles of design out of another text. Those 6 principles don't form an easy to remember acronym. Sad.

I'm almost done with Technical Communication homework for the week. I've read through Wednesday for Indian Children's Lit. I think the rest of the day I will crank out another 5-10 pages of master's project perfection. I could be grading, but I really think I need to get a draft in and put everything else on hold in the meantime. I want to have a copy to my entire committee before spring break. It's a good thing the 11 pages I have are ridiculously polished so that I don't have to worry about them anymore.

Major goals for the remainder of the week:

1. Complete Master's Project Draft to Naomi by tomorrow (Wednesday).
2. Read Rabindranath Tagore's "Stories" by Friday. 
3. Read 1 Source and Write 1 Annotation for Indian Children's Lit by Friday. 
4. Grade Students' Correspondence Portfolios by Friday or Monday.
5. Finish The Smile of Vanuvati Friday evening; write a book review on it Saturday.
6. Read The River for Indian Children's Lit on Saturday.
7. Commit to finishing Grading on Sunday if I haven't wheedled away at it completely by Friday.
8. Read articles for Tech Comm on Monday.

That will take me through the requirements preceding spring break. Hopefully by Monday I will get some feedback from Naomi about my draft and can have a revision to my whole comittee by Friday the 18th.

For spring break, I will wallow in freedom...in my dreams. Instead I will read like a mad person and write annotations for my Annotated Bibliography for Indian Children's Lit. I will also try to write my Position Paper for Tech Comm so that I don't have to worry about it later.

Dear Lord, I am collecting more student portfolios on Monday; they will need graded, and I lose most of Thursday to subbing for Anna. Will this ever end? Is it May 13th yet? Did I mention that I have a final after graduation on May 13th?

Cat says its time to stop making terrifying lists and whining. She thinks I need to pet her. She keeps trying to lay on my keyboard. Can I  read 20 more pages of Tech Comm while petting the cat? I will try.